Are You Okay?
by cousinromemo
Summary: No, Kankri Vantas is not okay.
1. fictional characters are great vents

You wake up to the high pitched beeping of your alarm clock. Your hand groggily reaches over and hits the off button. With a groan, you sit up on your elbow and run a hand through your messy brown hair. Your name is Kankri Vantas and you got 3 hours of sleep last night. You're surprised you even slept. You don't normally do that kind of thing. It's 6:15. You set it early so you'd have time to yourself. You remove the black and red sheets from your body and sit up against the backboard of your bed. You cross your legs. You look down at your ankles and frown. Your fingers trail across the slowly fading scars. A few of them are still sore. Those are probably the ones from last night.

kan you awake?

You glance at your vibrating phone and pick it up.

Yeah, you?

You realize that didn't make sense.

heh. yeah im awake.

You smile a little. Cronus makes you happy.

You're up early.

You uncross your legs and slide down onto your back, then onto your side.

yeah. i just woke up and i can't get back to sleep. :/

You don't really know how to respond.

Neat.

You groan after he doesn't respond for a few minutes. You always manage to screw things up with him. You squeeze your forehead and curl in on yourself.

you haven't been yourself lately. you okay, chief?

You blink and absent mindedly run your slender fingers over your left ankle.

Not really.

why not? what happened to the kan i used to know?

I'm sorry I disappoint you, Cronus.

You close your eyes for a second and exhale.

i'll talk to you in homeroom, okay?

Okay.

You put your phone in your gym short's pocket and get out of bed. You glance at your clock. 6:32. Dad should be up by now. Your father is a strange man. Your mother died when you and Karkat were very young. Dad started drinking. He didn't abuse you and Karkat or anything, he just drank. And drank and drank. He never drank on weekends though. Weekends are work days. Your father, Simon Vantas, is a famous preacher in your town. After your mother died, he seemed to get happier. That may have just been the alcohol, though. You can't really explain how you feel about your father. He's just strange to you. You'll never figure him out.

You look at yourself in the long, full body mirror next to your bookshelf. You don't like how you look. You're too skinny. Your eyes are too droopy. You reach up and mess around with your hair until you're satisfied. You walk out of your room and down the stairs. You see father making some sort of breakfast for him and Karkat (he knows you don't like to eat), holding a beer bottle in his hand. You sit at the circular table in the kitchen and you feel as though he's staring at you, but you know he probably isn't; you always feel like someone's staring at you.

"Good morning." he smiles at you.

You nod, keeping your half-lidded eyes glued to the table.

"You okay?" he asks and sits across from you.

"Yeah." you say.

"Are you lying?"

"Yeah." you gulp. he doesn't say anything. You see him jump slightly when a loud thump comes from your little brother's room, and a string of curses follows suit as Karkat limps down the stairs and flops in the chair next to you.

"You're up early." father says and takes a swig of his beer.

De ja vu, you think.

"Don't remind me." Karkat mumbles and lays his head on the table. Simon chuckles and gets up to go back to the breakfast he was working on.

After getting dressed and watching your brother and father eat, you and Karkat head down to the bus stop. There are only two other kids who go to your high school that live in your neighborhood. They're creepy as hell. One of them, the younger one, supposedly does drugs and almost killed two of his friends. He's also your little brother's best friend. That worries you. The other one accidentally deafed his girlfriend, so he stitched his mouth shut. He breathes really heavily and you get bad vibes from him. They're both abnormally tall, too. Karkat walks over to Gamzee and they start talking about god knows what, and you stand behind Kurloz. You trace the bones on his hoodie with your eyes. The wait is fairly short, and the four of you walk onto the almost-vacant school bus. You sit in the seat directly behind the bus driver, and a girl with very long braids switches seats to sit behind you. You can feel her eyes baring down on you. That makes your uncomfortable. You clutch your messenger bag tighter and haunch your shoulders.

"What's your name?" you see her dark brown hand poke your shoulder

"My name is Kankri." you say and she chuckles.

"Pfft, nig I know your name." she switches seats and sits in the one across from you.

"Then why'd you ask." you place your bag next to you, so she won't sit with you.

"'Dunno. Anyway, I'm Meenah. You're in my homeroom." she holds out her hand, wanting you to shake it. You just look at her then turn around to look out the window.

"Heh. You're cool. You're Cro-dog's boyfriend of whatever right?"

Your face heats up and you glare at her. "N-no. We're just friends. Leave me alone."

"Jeez man, I was just wonderin'.." she raises her hands in defense. You don't respond, and just go back to looking out the window.

Your name is Kankri Vantas and you'd rather tie yourself to an anchor and be thrown into the Baltic Sea than go to school. But then again, tying yourself to an anchor and being thrown into the Baltic Sea sounds better than anything right now. You make a mental note to do that someday.

**a/n *cries because there were so many fricking typos that i had to fix* also, try and find the wtnv reference lmao**


	2. haha nig u got beat

Once you get to school, you sigh and walk off the bus along with the rest of the very few students who ride your bus. It's still pretty early, so the people who have already gotten here have to wait outside in the courtyard near the front entrance. You sit down in a corner, avoiding everyone. Kurloz sits next to you and you have the urge to just walk away, but you don't, because he could be offended and you wouldn't walk that. He smiles at you and says something in sign language. "U-uh.. I don't um.." you blush a little. Gosh, why do you get so embarrassed easily? He nods understandingly and takes a piece of paper and a pen out from his black backpack. He scribbles something down and hands it to you.

I was asking if you knew sign, sorry. I have something to ask you though.

You read it and look up. "What do you have to ask?"

He scribbles something down again.

Are the rumors I've been hearing about you true, Kankri?

You frown. "Which ones?" you say, sounding a little irritated.

The ones about you being gay.

You groan and look away, not wanting to answer his question. You hate talking about that particular topic.

"Yes. I'm gay," you say, squeezing the bridge your nose. His eyes widen a little and you put your hands up in defense. "b-but don't worry. You're not my type.." you see his lips open very slightly, like he wanted to say something, but he just smiles, picks up his stuff and walks away.

You pull your legs up to your chest and rest your forehead on your knees. You sit like that for a few minutes, but you lift your head up when you hear footsteps. Black and yellow converse. You don't know what his name is, but what you do know is that he has a lisp, he's mental and he's more of an asshole than Rufioh, who used to be your friend but somehow found about your orientation and turned against you.

"Haha f-fag." he kicks your foot and you stand up.

"What do you want." you pick up your stuff.

He puts his hands on his hips "For y-you to die, you thhick freak! Y-you're thho fucking grothh."

"Your lisp is gross, too." you feel one of your eyebrows twitch.

He sucks his teeth and punches you in the shoulder, making you stumble a little. It hurt, but not so bad. He's almost as scrawny as you are. "Go b-be a fag thhomewhere elthh! You thhtupid cunt!" he walks away and you really wish your dad was drunk this morning, so you could convince him that you were sick.

You just stand there for a few minutes picking at your fingernails, until a security guard pulls up in his car and opens the door to let you and the rest of the students in. You're pushed to the back, by the crowd of students that had arrived over the short amount of time you had to wait, so you're one of the last people to actually walk in. You feel them judging you. You were shoved a few times, they probably think that you think the subtle yet rude gestures were accidents, but you know they weren't. Because some of them called you names. Idiots.

You can feel them staring at you. You haunch your shoulders. They all know you're gay. They all probably hate you. But whatever, you probably hate them too. You start to walk to your locker, taking a different way than everyone else. You hear footsteps behind you, once you reach the top of the second flight of stairs. The only other person who uses these stairs is Cronus, and he's always late to class. Confused, you turn around to see Rufioh and his weird friend, Horuss. "Hey gayass dork." Rufioh jabs you in the stomach and shoves your shoulder, making you wince.

You hold your stomach and your voice cracks when you speak. "L-leave me alone.."

They laugh at you and Horuss speaks up. You never realized how strange his voice was. "What, are you about to cry, pansy?" he almost whispers. Rufioh pushes you and you stumble to the cold floor. You cover your head and feel yourself getting smaller. Rufioh laughs and kicks you a few times in the stomach. You start to cry, because you are weak. Weak and pathetic and everyone hates you. He crouches down and you look up, tears streaming down your face. He smirks and shoves your shoulder against the wall. He squints and smirks when he speaks. "You're such a fucking freak." he pulls his fist back and socks you in the space between your cheek and nose, and your head hits the wall behind you. He stands up and motions to Horuss, and he goes up to you, then kicks you in the stomach, making you gag and fall over on your side. They walk up the last flight of stairs, laughing. Your head is throbbing and your insides burn. You reach up and shakily wipe the blood coming from your nose. You curl in on yourself and whine in pain. You shouldn't have moved. You pull up your red hoodie to look at your stomach. There's a bruise and you groan. Dad's going to ask you about that later.

You sit there a crying, bleeding mess, and wait for Cronus.

**a/n: i had to write this in a hurry so thats why this is so short and badly written gomen**


	3. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

**a/n sorry this is hella late. ive been too depressed to write much, so this will probably be really short. by the way, the lyrics cronus says are from red summer by deastro**

You feel terrible. Your stomach feels like it's on fire. You can't stop the blood coming from your nose. Your face lightens up a little when you hear footsteps and a quiet, off-key whistling of the opening of some 90's anime about robots or something.

"What the shit- Kankri?" Cronus says, and crouches down in front of you.

"Oh hello, Cronus. Fancy seeing you here." you joke, laughing sheepishly. He frowns and you immediately regret saying anything.

"What the hell happened?" he takes out a tissue from his backpack and wipes some blood from your nose.

"Euh, Rufioh." you say and he grimaces.

"Are you fuckin' serious, chief?" he asks if anyone was with him and you nod.

"Horuss, I'm guessin'?" you nod yes and he asks how long they've been doing this to you.

"They usually just push me around, um, this is the first time they've, uh, actually hurt me.."

"Okay, but how long has this been happening?"

"Since I came out.. In, um, 9th grade."

"Why didn't you tell me, Kan?"

You don't really now how to answer his question. You don't really know why you didn't tell him. Maybe because you didn't want him to worry? You know he won't think that's a good reason, but you tell him that anyway.

"Man, I wish I was your body guard; I'd hit those motherfuckers hard," he says and you look at him funny. "what's with the face?"

"Aren't those song lyrics?" you ask, fairly certain that they are.

"Psh.. No...A-anyway, are you okay?" you tell him you're fine -even though you're not- then he stand to help you up. You take his hand and he pulls you up, but you stumble back a little. He puts his arm behind you quickly and blocks your fall. Your eyes open a little wider and you can feel your face heating up. You both gather yourselves, and he coughs. "So, about you not bein' 'okay'.. Rufioh's the reason you've not been feelin' like yourself, yeah? "

"Yeah.. Well, uh, h-he's not the only reason.. um.." you look down at your feet and fiddle with the ends of your sleeves.

You look up a little, and he looks at you expectantly.

"Th-there's other people who bully me.. but they don't really bother me," you swallow "But what's really getting to me is... there's been something on my mind that I just can't say.. It's really painful to keep to myself.. and.. it's like, a heavy weight that I just can't get off my chest.. um.. If that makes any sense.."

"It makes sense, but do you feel comfortable tellin' me what that 'weight' is?" he takes your hands in his and looks at you in concern after you look away "I want you to know that you can tell me anythin', and I'll listen to you. I promise." he says and you sigh.

He keeps looking at you. You can't take it anymore. You wrap your arms around him and bury your face in his shoulder. He jumps a little, but reciprocates the embrace. You hug him tighter and whisper "I think I fell in love with you, Cronus."

He pulls back with his hands on your shoulders. He looks at you strangely and you start to cry. You begin to shakily apologize, your voice cracking through the tears. You're interrupted by a pair of soft lips pressing against your own. Once you realize he's kissing you, you kiss back. After a few short moments he pulls away and rests his forehead against your own. Your amber eyes lock with his purple-ish blue. You notice he has a sort of pained expression written across his face, but you don't pay much attention to it.

"I thought.. You were.. straight..?" you say, and you feel him shaking a little. You're getting worried again.

"I-I am." he says shakily.

"Then.. what-"

"Th-there can be exceptions."


	4. even more gay than the last chapter

**a/n OS SORRY AIGHN IM SORRY THIS IS SO LATE AUGH UGH IVE BEEN SO DEPRESSED LATELY AND AUHG IM SORRY im dealing with so much !bullfuckingshit! right now i dont think ill be updating regularly im so sorry im sorry by the way this chapter will be dumb and will make no sense because my mind is dumb and makes no sense and this story was created in my mind ok that also was dumb and made no sense im sorry im kind of not okay right now haha **

"Cronus.." you actually smile genuinely, for the first time for weeks.

"W-we can't tell anyone about this, okay?" he's still trembling and your getting even more worried. It takes you a few moments to respond.

"I.. wasn't planning to.. But.. why not?" he seemed to tense a little at your question, and he reaches up to scratch a little at his chin, refusing to make eye contact with you.

"I uh.. I just don't want anyone to know." he's still looking away, and back up a little, so that your not touching him anymore. You're getting anxious. What if he's only doing this because he feels bad for you? You're mind starts going to the bad place again, and you try to focus on your current situation.

"That doesn't answer my question.."

"Be-because I don't.. I don't want to-" he mumbles something and your heart starts pumping against your chest and you feel like you're going to cry but you don't know why. You don't know what he said. Why are you crying? Why are you crying, you pathetic loser? Your voice is shaking when you speak.

"W-what?" you manage to croak out. His face is so bright and your throat hurts from keeping all these stupid fucking tears. Why are you overreacting, Kankri? What the fuck is wrong with you? He's probably just going to say something stupid. Stop being so emotional.

"I don't want to get made fun of." All the color drains from your face, wow it's cold in here. When'd it get so cold? That's it? That's it? Are you serious? He must have noticed something, because he looks at you, his eyebrows go up and he raises his shoulders, holding onto your hand. "N-no, it's not what you think. I just.. My dad is hella homophobic, and my brother can't keep his hipster mouth shut, a-and you know how rumors spread like wildfires 'round here." You're confused

"Why didn't you just say that?"

"I don't know.. Sorry." he sighs and hugs you again.

"I'm sorry for being a hormonal twink." you say, leaning into his embrace.

"Did Kankri Vantas just call himself a twink?" you laugh and bury your face in his shoulder

"I don't know what a 'twink' is. Porrim called me that one time when we were skyping." he lifts up you chin to inspect your face, then nods.

"Yep. You're definitely a twink. Minus the gay porn part."

"What?" you start to think about Porrim, and what she does in her free time.

"Nothin'." he presses his lips to yours, and you reciprocate. You both stay like that for a few moments, until he pulls away. "I don't really want to go to class today. You?"

"Nah. I don't really want to either." he asks you what you want to do, and you shrug.

"Wanna just sit here? Maybe make out a little, yeah?"

"Sure. Why not." You both sit down in the corner, and within a few seconds, he's already kissing you. You're kissing him back, of course, with all the pent up homo passion you have for him. After a little while, he makes a little noise in the back of his throat, and pulls away, resting his forehead on yours. You guess he needed air, you were running out too. He leans back down and kisses at your jawline, and your stomach starts fluttering. You move your head to the side; he explores your jaw and neck with his soft lips. His hand slides up your hoodie and undershirt, and wow your pants are getting tight. Why are you doing this with him at school? You 'don't know. His fingers trail over your right nipple, and you make a needy noise. Wow, you can't believe you did that. He pulls away and goes back to your mouth; you slide your tongue across his bottom lip, wanting more. He obviously gets the message and slides his tongue-

"Ahem." you hear. Cronus yelps and practically leaps off you. "Shouldn't you boys be in class?" Mr. Egbert frowns at both of you, while you wipe the drool from your mouth. Cronus stands up and grabs his backpack, then tries to walk away, but Mr. Egbert stops him. "No. I'm not done with the two of you." You stand up too, and grab your bag. He makes you both stand next to each other. He's starts talking about how it's okay to be gay, but it's not appropriate for anyone to blah, blah, blah.

You see Cronus glance at your crotch and he discreetly mouths "sorry."

When the older man finishes his speech, he asks if you and Cronus understand. You both nod. "Alright, which class should you boys be in right now?"

"Algebra 2." you say

"Algebra 2." Cronus says

"The same? Great! I'll walk you there then!" Cronus groans, but you stay quiet and stare at your feet.

You're wearing camouflage high tops, that completely clash with your whole red-and-black scheme you've had going on for some time now. Porrim will most likely scold you for that. He walks up the stairs with you and Cronus, with a smirk on his face. Smug bastard. Once you reach the top of the third flight of stairs. He tells you to hold hands. Cronus immediately refuses, you're a little hurt by that, but brush it off. Mr. Egbert gives him a look, then Cronus angrily grabs your hand. The rest of the short walk there, the smug home ec. teacher talked about his son, John, who went to a different private school, and how talented he was. You and Cronus weren't really listening, though. You were looking at him, while he glared at the lockers. His firm grip on your hand had lessened, fortunately. Once you arrive at the room, Mr. Egbert knocks on the door. Kurloz answers and his purple eyes lock on you and Cronus' hands. He looks at you with raised eyebrows and you respond with a sheepish smile. He then looks up at Mr. Egbert and moves out of the way so that he can walk in.

He does, and grabs your other hand, to bring you in. The class starts laughing and you can physically feel the heat coming from Cronus' face.

You feel bad for him.

Mr. Egbert tells you two to stay where you are, then goes up to your teacher, Mr. Kirschtein. "I found these two young men passionately making out in the back stairs." he says, a little too loudly than your liking. Cronus releases your hand rather harshly and starts walking to his seat. Mr. Egbert stops him. "Ah, ah, ah. You stay right there, next to your boyfriend." Cronus' face gets even brighter, almost as bright as your jacket, and you cover up your face with your hands. "He's not my boyfriend!" Cronus says at him, almost shouting. You knew it. You knew he didn't like you at all. You knew he was just relieving himself. Is Cronus even your friend? At all? Yes! H-He's.. your best friend.. "B-but.. you said.." you look up at him, tears stinging at the corners your eyes. Welp, there you go again. Crying like a 4 year old. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. "Oh? He's not? Then why was your hand up his shirt? Hmm?" Mr. Egbert grins at him, you start crying. God fucking damnit, Kankri. Why the hell are you crying? You can't stop. Mr. Egbert is smiling, what a douche bag. "There's also a little something you left on Kankri's neck right there, too-"

"M.R EGBERT, THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH. Leave these poor boys alone! One of them's crying, for god's sake!" you can't believe this is happening and you just can't handle it. You pull your messenger bag closer to your body and walk out the door, tears still flowing down your face. You hear a loud 'WHACK' and a muffled, "Cronus Ampora!"


End file.
